Since this person took up residence in my uterus I cry all of the time. I’m not really a crier, at least not since I was a kid. Now, at least once per day, I find a rush of tears and flood of emotion I can’t control. I have no grip on my emotional filter.
So without further ado: 40 reasons why I have cried while pregnant (currently in development):
1. The test was positive
2. The next four tests were positive.
3. I couldn’t have beer for a really long time.
4. My husband told me it would be all be okay.
5. I had heartburn (This has been a tearful moment more than once, people).
6. I wanted THE DRUGS at the birth and people were going to judge me.
7. I didn’t want to move out of our apartment.
8. We didn’t have any chocolate.
9. Our cat wouldn’t get attention anymore. (any of you who know my husband and his love for this cat know this is patently false)
10. A girl on What Not to Wear had low self-esteem
11. I was going to be boring after becoming a parent.
12. My friends were going to hate me.
13. I was going to hate the baby and resent it for ruining my 20’s.
14. Someone would post pictures of me in the delivery room on Facebook.
15. I was never going to want to have sex again.
16. The alien was going to be an atheist and hate the Church.
…ten minutes later… 17. The alien was going to be a Born-Again biblical-literalist and a Republican and run for president and I couldn’t vote for them.
18. I have good health insurance
19. My boobs hurt.
20. I was hot.
21. I was cold.
22. I can’t have as much COFFEE :(:(:(:(:( (Let’s be honest, this is a totally legitimate reason to cry though).
23. Any commercial involving animals.
24. Because strippers and sex-workers have a hard life (Inspired by a strip-club commercial).
25. I couldn’t poop on command.
27. Because the cat climbed on the bed and woke me up.
28. Setting: The Middle of Target——-Reason for Tears: Gendered toys
29. The milk went bad.
30. Setting: In Bed at 2am—-Reason for Tears: I had an itch and I was too comfortable to scratch it.
31. I had to pee for the third time during a class.
33. The deli where we were picking up lunch was out of giant dill pickles.
34. Pumking (my favorite beer) was on tap at the bar.
35. I got put on modified bed rest and wanted to take a walk.
36. A multitude of times while watching Ellen DeGeneres
37. I had to buy new bras.
38. I was tired.
39. Pants were uncomfortable.
40. I left the house and wore “mom clothes” and no make-up.